Developing a Self-Care Plan Over 40
Self Care seems to be the latest buzzword and almost everyone I know is talking about the importance of it. I bet you know a “Self-Care Crusader” or “Self Care Guru”. Your workplace or your social feed also might be littered with these phrases around self-care–it’s definitely a “thing” now.
It’s clearly no secret that we need to engage in self-care to have a healthier and more enjoyable and fulfilling life. But what exactly is self-care? In my opinion, self-care looks different for every single person–and it’s just not as simple as drinking more water and taking more steps every day–although those things can add up to a healthier body, and daily practice of mindfulness around your actions or your will help to create healthy habits.
In my work as a yoga teacher of over 17 years, and my experiences working in the health and wellness arena as a birth educator, lactation counselor and retreat facilitator, I have seen all the ways in which we sabotage our own health and wellness. Oftentimes, it’s because we are taking care of other people, and so we put our own needs on the back burner. Sometimes, we place our work or our careers in the forefront of what we need to do each day and so our own personal care and tending takes last place. It goes without saying that if you are in an unsafe living situation, or if you do not have enough food to eat, or are struggling with addictions– that self-care in the way I am going to discuss in this post will not be at the forefront of your thoughts. Those most basic needs of food, shelter, and safety. Must first be fulfilled and then the aspects of rounding out and filling up your life with beauty and richness will be able to be placed on the priority list as well.
As a woman over 40, I have been a caretaker for some time. Taking care of my kids, taking care of my partner, and now, I am realizing that taking care of my parents are starting to make the list as well. So many of us identify as nurturers and caretakers–but really struggle with taking care of ourselves or putting our needs first. Making yourself a priority is not selfish–it’s actually necessary for you to be able to continue to feel well physically and feel fulfilled energetically or spiritually in your life.
So let me circle back now, sometimes I go off topic. Self-care…what is it that makes a thing that you do–become a thing that feeds and nurtures you? I want to share some examples here with you of things that I would define as self care, so that you can think of things in your life that could be defined as self-care that you are already doing–and perhaps just add a little bit more of it into your everyday life.
Self-care can and should bring you joy and enrich your life.
And what I mean by that is, if you derive joy from being active and social with friends and you love going out and feeling your best– then yes, grooming like shaving or waxing hair, scrubbing the skin, and painting nails, curling hair, and primping–as well as facials, appointments to get your hair colored or cut, etc–could actually all technically be considered self-care. The rituals of bodily care like showering, and shaving and grooming are all a part of caring for the external body. Rituals like selecting clothing that suits your mood, or conveys a sense of who you are, or shares with others your interests or your lifestyle could also be considered a form of self-care in that they communicate without words something about you, an expression of self.
Conversely, If you are a person that enjoys solitude and alone time, and your most joyful moments are when you are reading a book or when you are tracking miles running long distance, then by all means, those activities can be one of your forms of self-care. And yet, let us acknowledge that you can take any one of these examples and flip them over a little bit–and they can become not very caring at all. If you are actually grooming and primping to outshine a friend, or to get more attention, or to look better than someone else–or to simply attract a mate–then these activities are less about self-care and more about keeping up or competition. If you ignore mealtimes when you are reading, or use your books as distraction from the realities of your declining health and steady weight gain, then this activity is actually not self-care–it’s numbing. If your joy for running actually causes you to over-exercise, causing pain in your body or discord in your relationship from a partner who wants you to be more present to them–then that activity is not self-care–again–it is covering up something deeper that you need to take a look at.
In all of these examples, you can see that you need to strive for a balanced approach–but they all could also be examples of self-care if they are done intentionally to add value and presence to your life.
Self-care can be something that you add or take away from your life.
I know–I just said that self-care should add something to your life–but sometimes self care is taking something away too. Examples of things that you could add to your routine would be meditating for five minutes daily to attempt to quiet the mind, stretching in the morning before you get up to ease back pain, or making a cup of herbal tea and putting your phone away about an hour before bedtime–to help you get a good night of sleep.
An example of taking something away could be that nightly glass of wine–that you think helps you relax–but actually wakes you at 3am with night sweats. Another could be to eliminate gluten from your diet because you just love croissants, but you feel bloated and uncomfortable every time you eat one. Or even more drastic could even be removing yourself from a bad situation at work, or a less than healthy relationship that causes you to wake in the night with anxiety over who they are texting before bed or if you are going to get fired for not being able to complete an assignment for your crazy boss.
Self-care can and should become a daily activity.
A daily practice is what is needed for a thing that you do to become a habit. Once you are able to get into a routine and a rhythm in your day to day–it is easier to maintain any changes that you make. Whether it be drinking more water, cutting out sugar, or going no contact with your last partner–you must have a plan that is attainable–and starts out with small goals that build upon one another. For example, a plan to add more movement and eating healthier foods into your daily routine could start with 5 minutes of stretching a day and a 20 min walk. You could also then plan to drink at least one large glass of water with every meal. You could try replacing your after dinner ice cream dessert with fruit and berries. If you start to do this daily, you can create a habit and you will start to notice changes in your body and your cravings, you will add on more of these healthy habits over time and build up a strong foundation of your wellness journey.
As you continue on this path of adding on self-care, know that some days will be better than others. Sometimes you will slip and fall back into your previous routine. You can either give up and go back to what you were doing before, or stay the course, call a buddy to give you moral support, and simply go back to practicing your self-care again the next day. There is no such thing as perfect–and you will make mistakes. But the beauty of your self-care routine is that it is yours, and yours alone–you call the shots–and you get to decide what you need more or less of. You will be constantly listening to your mind, body, and spirit–hopefully, and you will be adjusting all along the way.
There you have it, some of my tips for developing a self-care routine that takes into account your age, your hormonal shifts, and the knowledge of who you are and what you need. If you still feel lost when you think about developing a self-care routine and want some help –check out this post that outlines my daily and weekly routines of self-care. These are my own personal self-care practices right now–and I do not think they are better than anyone else’s. I think we all need to find what works for us at any given moment.
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