4 Things Every Woman Over 40 Needs in her Bedroom
I am going to let you in on a secret, I just went to an adult pleasure shop, and I want to share what I learned with you. As I share–I do so with the distinct feeling that I have always had around sex and sexuality–I am slightly embarrassed, but I also hate that I am embarrassed. There exists a little push-pull within me. Shame, discomfort, and off-limits–give way to interest, excitement and fascination.
I grew up Roman Catholic, and because of 7 or so years of being taught by nuns, and waaayyy too much talk around hell and sinning–I am pretty much not really that into church or organized faith. I enjoy celebrating certain holidays because of the tradition or the foods we prepare, but that is about it. I also credit my Catholic upbringing with forming my early views and perceptions of pleasure, sex, and sexuality. There has been a lot of unlearning to do, and now that I am 45, (and its 2022–hello!) I am pretty comfortable with how I feel about pleasure, and I know what I like, and what I want and need, and I am comfortable asking for it. I am also open to exploring, learning, and growing in my knowledge–to having uncomfortable dialogue, and to a certain amount of not-knowing. I think this is essential to living a life filled with joy and presence.
Now, back to adult pleasure shops. I have visited a few, and while some are cheesy, bawdy, and tacky, others are sleek, sophisticated and dare I say, chic. Where I live, in Burlington, Vermont, we have a new addition to the area circa 2021–a sweet little adult shop called Earth and Salt Shop. Of course they are online as well, and they cater to the diversity of interests in the world of pleasure, sexual health and wellness. Earth and Salt Shop promotes a holistic and pleasure-centered perspective on sex and pleasure, and creates social justice through healing, community, and fair business practices.
During my visit to Earth and Salt, I was shown so many things, but some really stood out as things that every woman over 40 needs in her bedroom. Here is the short list:
Education/Books: Knowledge is power and we all need a bit more power in our lives. With the power of knowing, we can make decisions that serve our relationships with ourselves and with others. I found several books I would like to have on my shelves, some of the titles I plan to explore were: “Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women can Cultivate Desire”, “Crystal Healing and Sacred Pleasure”, “The Menopause Manifesto”, and “What Fresh Hell is This” –were all titles that caught my eye. There were heaps of other titles in various sections, so pretty much anything that you are curious about has some more information that you can explore.
Lubricant: As we age and lose estrogen, or have a lower libido, the tissues in our bodies dry out somewhat and this can spell trouble for our vagina. Lubricant is defined as a slippery substance that provides a barrier between two things to reduce heat and friction– in this case, anything inserted in the vagina or rubbed on the labia. There are three main types of Lubricant: Water based, silicone based, or oil based. Water is easiest to clean off, silicone lasts the longest, and oil based may feel thinner but is not compatible with condoms. Some oil-based lubes that I saw here were marketed as healing and nourishing for the bodily tissues. No research shows this–so it is said that lubricants will not heal or repair damaged tissue, however, I have received herbal medicines from an herbalist in the form of oils to be rubbed on the body–and so I would personally tend to believe that herbs can be healing for the tissues they are applied to. Regardless, lubricant can increase your comfort level.
A Vibrator: there are so many more options out there now than I ever knew about. Back when I was in my early 20’s Samantha from “Sex and the City” made “The Rabbit” famous. Remember that enormous phallic pink toy? She also had a “personal massager” that she tried to return to the store and insisted that it was a “vibrator” when the sales person argued that it was actually a personal massage item. The thought still makes me laugh. Most shops still sell BOTH of these vibrators today–and they are very popular–but there are also a host of other vibrators that are small, discreet, adorable, and have as many as 25 speed settings, suction, or are made of special soft touch material. The possibilities are endless and you are sure to find something you would like if you took a peek.
Pillows or Wedges: This was really something I never even thought about owning. However the shop’s proprietor told me this tool was perfect for people with back pain or discomfort, and made the act of partnered sex much more comfortable. A wedge can improve positioning for more comfort or pleasure, and they come in many shapes and sizes.
So there you have it! Four items you may not have even known you needed, or that might need a refresh in your bedroom.
Would you like to learn more about how to bring more pleasure and joy into your life and your relationships? Make sure to sign up here for our upcoming event with Earth and Salt for FREE!
